IT'S ALL GONE A BIT SIRI....

So the news is out that I am the UK voice of Siri. Did Apple silence me? Do I have revenge on my mind? Let me try and set out the facts: 

Apple didn't silence me - although they did call me and tell me that as an Apple employee I wasn't supposed to talk about my work. When I explained that I wasn't an Apple employee and I had no contract with them or received any money from them, they seemed rather perplexed. They said they would get back to me once they had made further consultations. That was in the middle of October and they never contacted me again. Had they done so - I was perfectly prepared to listen. So they didn't silence me, they just weren’t very clever in their  approach, but then they tend to do their PR with a sledgehammer. During the conversation, I was told that the company was “not about one person”. Given that the media was full of articles about the “one person” that completely represented Apple, and his death just a few weeks earlier, the girl in the PR department had obviously failed to do her homework!

In truth, I was delighted to discover that I was the UK voice of Siri. I learned by seeing the BBC’s technology correspondent, Rory Cellan-Jones, giving his preview of the machine on air and thought “I recognise that voice”. So I’m very chuffed that  I’ve been included in the various identities that Siri has been given.

The Scansoft system is a very good one. The problem with English is that the pronunciation of words is not consistent. So if I say “ My latest project is to learn how to project my voice” you can immediately see and hear the difficulties facing a piece of software. Siri contends with that very well and is the closest thing to natural human speech that you can get. Scansoft and Nuance did a great job.

Many people had made the connection between my voice and Siri already – which was why it was a bit odd to get Apple’s phone call. Was I supposed to pretend it wasn’t me? I’m a pretty well known voice in the UK. The Weakest Link pulls in 2-3 million viewers on a weekday and as the voice of BBC Radio 2, around 8 or 9 million people heard me every day – so for most of the last ten years we reckon I’ve had an audience of some 13 million people on a weekly basis. I wasn’t hard to spot! As my brother works for the Telegraph as a sports journalist – the word got around.

I hasten to add that I haven’t come out to wave two fingers at Apple – far from it – I’m really pleased  that my voice, and the text to speech system that I have contributed to, is regarded as good enough for a company that prides itself in creating brilliant technology. I love Apple’s products and have championed them since the early 80’s when anyone who used an Apple was generally looked at with raised eyebrows. “Oh you’re one of those…” they would insinuate! I still own a Macintosh SE which sits on my landing as a reminder of how technology progresses. I do all my audio work in my own studio on two Apple iMacs using Pro Tools.  I absolutely believe that the original  iPhone changed the face of the mobile industry and Siri will be the next game changer – and I love fact that it has a sense of humour.

I have worked as a broadcast journalist since the early 1980’s. One of the stranger facts is that aged 19 I joined BBC Radio 4 as a reporter for the BBC’s first foray into Information Technology, on a programme called “The Chip Shop” presented by Barry Norman. It was a brave move, given that our main method of communication with computers is visual. We spent a lot of time looking for PC’s that made sound. It’s ironic that it’s come full circle and that instead of reporting on it, I’ve ended up as the voice of the technology almost 30 years later.

It’s true that I didn’t receive any money from Apple. I signed away those rights when I did the original recordings for Scansoft – but I got well paid for those. To be honest, my voice is a gift that I haven’t had to study for or work hard for as many others have to do for their work, and if it is seen by others as being suitable to become part of their everyday life, I am thrilled. It gives something back for the benefits that I have received over the last 25 years for something I was naturally blessed with. In some ways while  I love being in people’s pockets,  I am more proud of the fact that this system allows people who have impaired vision, or who are restricted in their communication skills, to use technology and communicate with friends and family just as easily as I can every day. If my legacy is simply that, to be involved so personally in something so vital to everyday life, I shall be a very happy person.

TRULY MADLY DEEPLY CUT

As the BBC Cuts begin to sink in, so the anger rises amongst those who appreciate what the organisation does on a daily basis. At £145.50 a year it rates as one of the most amazing value for money deals in the UK. Paid in one go – it can of course be a large sum to lose from your monthly income, but until someone breaks down the figures, you cannot see why it’s such superb value.

Radio, that’s the 5 National analogue channels and the 5 digital channels, BBC World Service and BBC Local Radio,  the vital training ground and news generation service that feeds National newsrooms –consisting of 8 regional stations and 40 local stations, costs £2.11 per household per month. That’s £2.11!That’s not even per individual – but per household. So if there are 4 of you in the house that’s just 52p per person or £6.33 a year. I don’t know anything else you can buy for £6.33 that lasts all year. Even that all-consuming monster Television only costs each household £7.96 per month. It’s criminal even complaining about it.

Even more criminal is freezing the BBC’s licence fee until 2017. In current economic conditions, that represents a major reduction in funding, as fuel and energy costs rise even if salaries don’t. The fact that politicians demand it, yet will happily spend billions on troops and missiles in countries and on wars that we can never win, is absurd. The BBC World Service was just as vital in educating the population of Kabul as British troops were, but the freeze will threaten and reduce its output significantly. World Service will soon be funded from the Licence fee, previously paid for by the UK’s Foreign and Commonwealth Office. Almost every other BBC Service is sustaining cuts as a result.

And to those people who claim it’s another tax that they don’t have a choice in paying? Try taking your shopping basket to the supermarket checkout, and asking for £10 off your bill because you don’t watch ITV. Ask the car dealership for £500 off your new executive saloon, because you always switch channels when the adverts come on. ITV, Channel 5 and every other commercial TV channel costs you significantly more than £8 a month, every time you go shopping.

The cuts need politicians to be visionary and BBC Management to stand their ground and shout about the restrictions that the world’s leading broadcaster is about to find itself facing. Watch this space though; I suspect that the level of coverage of politician’s activities will begin to contract during Party conferences and via BBC parliament. The only thing that might make Westminster’s members understand the short-sightedness of the funding cuts, is the withdrawal of their own publicity by the organisation that provides them with a mouthpiece.

LOCAL RADIO FOR NETWORK PEOPLE

The headlines are already screaming and enraged of Taunton has fired the first riposte. Like the most loathsome playground bully, BBC Management has decided to put the boot into the poor kid and see if they cry. 


Amid the flurry of knee jerk reactions that have emanated from the sixth floor of Television Centre,  since the licence fee was frozen for six years last October, has come the suggestion that BBC Local Radio could be reduced to producing its own breakfast and drivetime shows, and would retransmit Radio 5Live during the rest of the day. In a classic BBC bloomer, this is apparently merely a suggestion, made when staff were asked for ideas on how to save money. A BBC spokeswoman then added: "No decisions have been made so it would be wrong to speculate." Someone should have gone to Speculation-Savers.

Conjecture or not, the BBC would do well to prepare itself for an onslaught of protestations, the type of which met the potential closures of 6Music and the Asian Network, (also speculative) both of which have not only earned a reprieve, but have seen audiences rise since their proposed deletion.


It’s clear that someone has been eyeing up trends in Independent Local Radio. Last year Heart’s owners, Global Radio, reduced their 33 stations to 18 losing around 200 broadcast staff in the process. The remaining stations now create their own breakfast and drivetime output, but rebroadcast shows from London during the rest of the day with presenters such as Toby Anstis, Simon Beale and Emma Bunton (former Spice Girl).


So case closed and no further speculation needed – sorry I mean suggestions. However there’s an enormous elephantine difference in play here. BBC Local Radio generates news stories and output as well as providing an excellent training ground for staff. ILR has no responsibility to feed other parts of their network – all they need to do is keep the needle moving and haul in the advertisers. The forty stations that make up BBC Local Radio function on the lowest level of funding, yet are the most valuable asset that the Corporation has.


As usual Auntie has looked at the balance sheet and done the calculation on the back of a beer mat. Local Radio costs around £105 million per annum to run – and 5Live a mere £72 million. Simples! But BBC newsrooms up and down the country generate hundreds of stories every week that feed the national networks. They train and educate hundreds of staff. Ask any of the current on-air personalities from Network Radio and you’ll find they cut their teeth behind their local microphones.


So here’s the plan Mr Thompson. Halve the number of stations to 25, but fund those that remain properly and make them capable of giving decent coverage to the areas they represent. That means adding at least 10 more news staff to each station – and training them in TV and Radio.  Invest in your assets so that every person on that station can broadcast at Network level and standards. In this way, the next time that BBC Breakfast or the Today programme need a story covered from on-site, the local reporter on the ground is fully capable of delivering. No need to send the truck out and fund transport and overnights for Huw Edwards or Justin Webb to speak from the scene – which makes little difference to the consumer anyhow. Get the reporter who knows the area to bring you the facts. It pays for itself. As you’ve always known – you have to speculate to accumulate – and that is the sort of speculation the BBC should be indulging in right now.

HOW TO "GOB IN YOUR SLIPPERS"

For those not initiated into the world of Voice Overs for ILR (Independent Local Radio) - may I spend a moment inducting you into its hallways - or more likely inducting you into a small booth about 3 foot by 3 foot, or even more likely the cupboard under the stairs.

The voices you hear on adverts played on local radio have, 9 times out of 10, recorded them in their own studios, on their own kit and can then send the audio files to the production house - or use ISDN lines (studio quality telephone lines) to speak direct to the production studio and are recorded and directed down the line. Since they don't have to leave the house, and the vernacular for a bit of voicework is "gobbing" - it has been christened "Gobbing in your slippers"

It can be a strange and lonely occupation - so if you have the time to befriend one of these solitary beings - then please do so, as you would be helping to initiate their return  to society.They are easily identifiable as they tend to blink a lot when they come out into the light.

If you are worried that you may indeed be one of the aformentioned personnel, then here are some identifying signs.You know you’re an ILR VO when:

1. You take your mobile to the bathroom in case you miss a script.

2. You’ve never actually met your best mate at work.

3. You check the ambience and suitability for installing a booth when you visit other people’s homes.
4. You find yourself reviewing your work in The Wild Bean Café in BP petrol stations.
5. You know what ISDN stands for.
6. You take your mobile to the gym in case you miss a script.
7. You have an App that turns your iPhone into a mini recording studio if you step out of the house.
8. You get confused about why people are “framed” for crimes. Framing is good no?
9. Your bedtime reading is the Pro Tools 9 manual.

10. Your daytime reading is the Canford catalogue.
11. You don’t mind if someone says you’re a bit “bottomy”.
12. You take your mobile to bed in case you miss a script.
13. You can sing all the jingles from the VW dealership in Scunthorpe.
14. You don’t snigger when someone asks you to bounce a WAV file.
15. You’ve actually heard of Snozzle FM and know where it broadcasts.

 

Bless you for being there in that cupboard, wreathed in cheap duvets from IKEA.

PC OR NOT PC THAT IS NOT THE QUESTION...

So Top Gear Presenters have revealed that Mexicans are slow, lazy and wear sombreros. Stepehen Fry has commended the Japanese for still running trains after the Atom bomb dropped and two Sky Sports presenters have landed in hot water for voicing an opinion on women in football.

None of the statements made, either on or off air, reveal a great deal about anything or anyone. The only fact it does shine any form of light upon is that we harbour opinions about the world around us and not everyone agrees with those opinions. The Political Correctness lobby (which would appear not to exist in reality - but if it does it is almost bound to be empowered by the Daily Mail editorial committee) takes great delight in seizing on such remarks and employing them to indicate rampant prejudice alive and well in society.

Prejudice is of course alive and well and is part and parcel of the human psyche. It shapes us as individuals and is based on our experiences to date. It is the basis of how we determine our likes and dislikes whether it refers to ice cream, tomatoes, Jennifer Aniston, Jamie Oliver or the Liberal Democrats - to pick a few at random. If I were to offer any of those up to you for discussion, you would have an opinion as to whether you liked or disliked them - and as a result a prejudice over recommendation or involvement. We decide whether to tolerate people or opinions, very often with no knowledge on which to base our views - and so we judge things without thought or reason - or with prejudice. And thank goodness we do, otherwise the phone-in airwaves would be decidedly silent. The person who is ambivalent on all subjects is decidedly dull - not to mention extremely poor company. If all you get in return to your questions is "I don't mind" then you might as well go home.

But what about the offence given by remarks about women linesmen? Richard Keys and Andy Gray were out of touch at best and mysogynystic at worst. Any broadcaster will tell you that you should always be careful when you are in the presence of live microphones as you never know who's listening. Gordon Brown found this out to his cost in his electioneering in May 2010. But as Paul Sinha so beautifully observed on Radio 4's News Quiz,  the comments about the involvement of women being the downfall of football are pitiful if one looks seriously at a game that is run by corrupt male administrators, pandering to  male multi-billionaires who have sold the spirit of the game, so that it now consists of cheating male divers performing for 94 minutes. Women are so far from being the problem with football you might as well blame the grass on the pitch or the colour of the goalposts. What Keys and Gray are most guilty of, is expressing private views where others can hear them. I doubt there is a person reading this who can honestly place their hand vaguely where they think their heart is, and state that they have never thought about someone, or something unfvaourably,  knowing that they could never state their views in public without being pilloried for thinking that way.

We talk a great deal about "Freedom of Speech" in the West, but there are times when society is as censorious as the Russian Secret Service. I can clearly remember the period surrounding the death of Diana Princess of Wales. The outpouring of grief from people who had never met her, let alone were related to her, was far more shocking than her death itself. Working for LBC at the time, I can remember being mesmerised by the media schedules being scrapped for this wringing of hands to take place in public. I had to be very careful to keep my mouth shut. It was a tragic and pointless death, and  unbelieveably awful for her two sons and immediate family - but it was no more and no less than an object lesson in road safety. There were 4 people in that car - and one of them, Trevor Rees-Jones, Diana's bodyguard is still alive today. He was the one wearing a seatbelt. Such was the pressure of public grief at that time - I feared I would be lynched for voicing such an opinion.

The requirement to be "PC" affects us all - because it hides the truth of what people really think. However unacceptable it is to voice strong opinions, the fact that others may disapprove does not prevent those views from being held and people acting on them. When I sit behind any microphone - I know that I shoulder a significant responsibility to represent the views that are being discussed fairly and without adding my own prejudice. However, I cannot state, that I wouldn't say one thing and think another. Especially when it comes to being politically correct which in itself is the most hypocritical ethos you can hold. For while I may tutt at others for irreligious or blasphemous views, I fear underneath I believe that "Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a dellusional, illogical majority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." 

Sadly, I didn't write that, but I wish I had - almost as much as Richard and Andy wish they had never heard of Sian Massey.